And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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