what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
