I cannot find my penis.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
