I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize