At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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