why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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