How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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