having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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