i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
