Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There's a naked man in my car right now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
