and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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