I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
