i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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