I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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