dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
