I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
