you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My bed smells like the plague
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize