Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
