I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
