So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
