....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
