Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
