I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
