please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
