Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
