sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She bit a glass in half.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
