I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
