I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
