I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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