She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
