oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
