Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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