so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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