He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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