Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
