i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
organizing the empties. That sober.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
