You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize