I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
