An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize