I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
