Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
