he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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