I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
