i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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