If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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