Only a mothe r could love this liver
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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