the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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