We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
as a side note pls kill me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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