I wish I only lived at night.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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