Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
