Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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