just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
