new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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