i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
