FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize