hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
