kristin has been a bad kristin
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Randomize
