Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
