I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
