I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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