WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
