yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize