Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
