I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
