Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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