He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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