Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
