There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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