I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
