New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
